When the Bar Gets Lower: What Are We Teaching by What We Tolerate?

Brian Halterman

Since when did it become acceptable to tell someone to “f… off” or flip them the bird—and then excuse it as passion, toughness, or authenticity?

We spend years teaching our children and youth that respect still matters. That words have weight. That two wrongs don’t make a right. We tell them that how they respond in tense moments reveals their character more than how they act when things are easy. Manners, self-control, and restraint aren’t signs of weakness – they’re marks of maturity.

And yet, somewhere along the way, the bar shifted.

This isn’t about condoning bad behavior from anyone else. Wrong is still wrong. But there is a difference between holding a worker accountable and holding a leader accountable. A worker is not the President of the United States. Leadership – especially at the highest level—comes with greater responsibility, not fewer expectations.

So when I tell my granddaughters that it’s not okay to use that language or those gestures, do I now have to add a qualifier? “Unless you’re powerful.” “Unless you’re angry enough.” “Unless you’re in charge.”

That’s a dangerous lesson.

At some point, we have to stop normalizing what we would never tolerate from our own children. We have to stop excusing behavior simply because it comes from someone we agree with, voted for, or feel represents us. Character doesn’t become optional when authority increases – it becomes essential.

Leadership should raise the standard, not lower it.

Words matter. Actions matter. Examples matter. And when leaders fail to act like leaders, accountability isn’t cruelty – it’s necessary. Because what we tolerate today becomes what we teach tomorrow.